Audio Excerpt from Chapter Eight

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I first fell in love with Elizabeth Montgomery by leg distance. No, that’s not a typographical error, it’s not long distance. By leg distance. I’d seen her on an Alfred Hitchcock or a Thriller or one of those shows with Tom Poston and I thought, “My God, what a pretty dark-haired girl, and those legs, oh my God.” Hmm. Confession time, Elizabeth.
    I walked in to read for Bewitched and Liz was sitting outside the office, too, reading — Memoirs of Anais Nin or, I don’t know, but by some chance I happened to be reading the same thing at the same time. I sat down and said, “Enjoying that?” She unfolded those gorgeous legs and looked at me, and I saw her in person for the first time. She had full lips and dark, soft hair. She was sex all over. Still are, Lizzie. You still are. I’ve seen you lately, you’ve still got that certain thing.
    Well, she and I talk, chitchat, this and that, and the door opens and we go inside to read together. Oh, before we go through that door to read for Bill Asher and Harry Ackerman, we have a conversation something like this:
    “Oh, do you do crossword puzzles?”
    “Yes,” she says.
    “So does my wife,” I say.
    “Are you up for this thing?” I ask.
    She says, “Yes.”
    I say, “Oh, God, you’d be wonderful. I saw you in — ” And then the door opens and we go into the office.
    And somehow the words that are flowing out of my mouth — I’ve known Elizabeth Montgomery all my life, and she’s kind of been my wife because she reminds me of Joey, and I walk into the office more confident than I’ve ever been in my life, and I have my arm around her and I say, “I don’t know about you guys, but I think this girl is perfect. Let’s sit down and read this turkey and see if I’m the right guy for her.” Or something bold and romantic like that. I’m sure Bill Asher or Harry Ackerman or you, Lizzie, will have your version of the same story, but that’s how affectionately I remember it.



Poem by Joey York
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